EDGAR ALLAN POE’S FAVORITE WAYS TO RELAX

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  • Listening to the unbearably agonizing, gut-wrenching screams of anyone in unspeakable pain.
  • Merrily filling festive Halloween trick-or-treat bags with fresh entrails for the neighborhood children.
  • Sobbing uncontrollably and for no apparent reason, for days on end.
  • Trying to teach his pet raven, Moishe, another word besides “Nevermore.”
  • Listing all his relatives on one side of a sheet of paper – and on the other side, the method of torture he’d select for each of them.
  • Taking lovely young women out for a pleasant dinner, and then to observe an autopsy.
  • Sitting in a pitch-black room and concentrating upon the utter and irreversible finality of death.
  • Making Friendship Nooses for the important people in his life.
  • Ripping up his house’s floorboards to look for the still-beating hearts whose increasingly louder, non-stop “tha-thumps” keep him up night after horrifying night.
  • To counter his one-sided public image – entertaining at children’s birthday parties, as Edgar The Silly Dilly Clown.

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