Tag Archives: Satire

An Open Letter to Art Garfunkel From His Ex-Girlfriend, Cecilia

Note: My friend Cecilia asked me to post this on her behalf. Dear Arthur, I always called you Arthur. Remember? We dated for 11 wonderful months (at least I thought they were wonderful) starting in June of 1968. I had red hair and you called me “Tater” because I was about half your size and

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Exposed: Concert Audience Abuse!

War, hunger, and disease are all terrible, tragic occurrences that should rightfully get us upset and motivate all caring people to do what they can to bring those situations to an end. But there is something else that is so pervasive, so insidious, so annoying, that it demands our attention and our efforts to wipe

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Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Religion

What is it that distinguishes man from all other creatures on earth? Okay, yes, he is the only being who markets both chia pets and the Hooked On Phonics program. He is the only living organism who worries about the percentage of bran in his diet. And he alone lip-synchs to Neil Diamond tunes at

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Top 5 Secrets U.S. Government Doesn’t Want You to Know

Washington, D.C. — Courtesy of a highly classified internal document provided by a White House insider who understandably prefers to remain anonymous — here are the top five secrets our own U.S. government does not want the American public to know: Time Travel Is Possible Now. The U.S. Department of Time Travel has perfected the

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Expert Recommends: If At First You Don’t Succeed — Quit!

HINDMAN, Ky. — Growing up, Victor Breitling would sometimes fail at things and his mother would tell him, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” And he would make every effort to do so. “But it rarely worked out,” admitted Breitling. “The worst was learning to ride my bike. I fell off and

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Lawyer Offers World’s First Divorce Gift Certificates

NELLVILLE, Ga. — Lonnie Dorfus has always enjoyed giving presents. “I’ll never forget the look of joy on my mother’s face when I gave her that lopsided clay mug I made for her birthday when I was in kindergarten. Or the kiss I got from my girlfriend in high school after I got her a

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Jesus’ Will Found

An archaeologist has scored the discovery of a lifetime, unearthing a tattered, faded parchment that experts have certified as the last will and testament of Jesus Christ. “It’s absolutely genuine,” affirms Dr. Qustandi Shomali, Director of Bethlehem University’s Department of Ancient History, and one of the world’s foremost experts in historical artifact authentication. “We have

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Baker Makes Fortune Recreating Recipe for Manna from Heaven

ONAGANSET, R.I. — Manna is the name of the sweet, bread-like substance which miraculously fell from the sky and became the main article of diet for the Israelites during their 40-year sojurn in the desert, as described in the Bible’s book of Exodus. Baker Johnny DePaul, owner of DePaul’s Bakery, had a life-long dream of

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Free Comedy Sketches