The Blog

LEAST FREQUENT COWBOY UTTERANCES

“Hey, Tex, I’d die, I’d simply die for your spanikopita recipe.” “She’s not just my manicurist; she’s also my friend.” “Oh, come on. Comparing Nuryev to Baryshnikov is like comparing apples to oranges.” “If you must know, Francoise, I’m weeping. Weeping openly and unashamedly. THAT’S what I’m doing.” “I’m sure I’m not the first to

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LEAST KNOWN FACTS ABOUT FISH

If a starfish is cut into chunks, each piece will grow into a completely whole starfish – and yet will be unable to carry the simplest tune. Not all fish live only in the water. Many have summer residences in New Jersey. The electric eel has an average discharge of 400 volts. After having sex,

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EDGAR ALLAN POE’S FAVORITE WAYS TO RELAX

Listening to the unbearably agonizing, gut-wrenching screams of anyone in unspeakable pain. Merrily filling festive Halloween trick-or-treat bags with fresh entrails for the neighborhood children. Sobbing uncontrollably and for no apparent reason, for days on end. Trying to teach his pet raven, Moishe, another word besides “Nevermore.” Listing all his relatives on one side of

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LEAST POPULAR PBS ANNUAL FUND DRIVE BONUS GIFTS

Sponge bath from Rush Limbaugh. 3 CD set: “Top Reggae Stars From Belgium.” Video re-make of “Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf,” starring Carrot Top and Joan Rivers. 14 volume history of The Federal Reserve System. Lock of O.J. Simpson’s hair. Rare footage of Jacques Cousteau explaining why the French are rude to Americans. T-shirt listing

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LEAST EFFECTIVE ADVERTISING SLOGANS FOR HEAD CHEESE

“How Bad Could It Be For You If You Don’t Know What It Is?” “From Our Slaughterhouse… To Your House… With Love” “The Kardashians Swear By It!” “The Only Variety Meat That Rhymes With ‘Dead Sleaze’” “Made From The Parts The Animal Probably Doesn’t Need” “Win A Free Trip To Hawaii By Eating An Entire

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LEAST-KNOWN FACTS ABOUT ST. PATRICK

Real Name: Pat Lipschitz. Wore satin jacket inscribed, “Saint.” Invented Irish Spring soap. Was expelled from school for nude-wrestling with St. Peter. Not only drove the snakes out of Ireland, but also had them made into boots. Operated Camp Potato, a popular summer camp for leprechauns. Was instrumental in having Ireland’s official greeting changed from,

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Most Embarrassing Jewish Stories that Went Viral

Did you hear about the kosher deli owner who was thinking about becoming a vegan? Let’s just say it wasn’t great for business. They say that the only certainties in life are death and taxes, but that was before the age of social media, so obviously they left out one other certainty – embarrassing stories

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Writing is My Lady

So I’m having a Rat Pack moment the other day, sipping a martini and listening to Frank Sinatra singing “L.A. Is My Lady,” a song in which he uses the City of Angels metaphorically for his romantic relationships. Yeah, it’s just a typical Thursday for me, when it strikes me that my own version of

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No One Tells Us We Can’t Have the Dessert From Hell!

In our society’s current emphasis on health and nutrition, it’s pretty much become expected that recipes offered in books, magazines, newspapers, online, on TV and radio, and in cooking classes be both tasty and healthy. Healthfulness in particular has taken center stage due to frequent media reports of the nation’s obesity, diabetes, and heart attack

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An Open Letter to Art Garfunkel From His Ex-Girlfriend, Cecilia

Note: My friend Cecilia asked me to post this on her behalf. Dear Arthur, I always called you Arthur. Remember? We dated for 11 wonderful months (at least I thought they were wonderful) starting in June of 1968. I had red hair and you called me “Tater” because I was about half your size and

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Free Comedy Sketches