Possessed Pepper Shaker Terrorizes Family

Even the salt shaker bows down before it.
Even the salt shaker bows down before it.

FLATWOODS, W. Va. — It has long been known that people with high blood pressure should avoid salt. But one family that does not have those salt concerns is instead going out of its way to avoid pepper — their pepper shaker is giving them high blood pressure due to its being possessed.

“I don’t know how it happened or why,” confided head of the family Billy Ray Farnsworth. “I just know that that pepper shaker is pure evil and my children are scared to death.” Farnsworth’s wife Viola explained, “Each time we sit down to a meal, the accursed thing starts pounding itself up and down on the table. Then, with the loudest, most disgusting sound you’ve ever heard, it vomits out a cloud of red and black pepper that covers our food and gets in our eyes. And when we eat, the pepper is so spicy that it burns our throats until we scream.”

Why don’t they just get rid of the shaker? “That was the first thing we tried,” recalled Farnsworth. “If we touch it, we get such a strong shock that it literally knocks us to the floor. And if we try going out to eat at a restaurant, the blasted thing appears right on the restaurant table. You talk about your public embarrassment.”

At least one expert is not surprised. “There have been countless instances of objects moving by themselves,” stated Dr. Stanley Pardee, Professor of Religion with a specialty in Unexplained Phenomena at the University of West Virginia. “A table turns over, a chair moves across the room, a vase flies through the air, a picture of Christ shakes. Although I have not heard of a pepper shaker being possessed, it seems to follow along these same lines, though certainly to a more intense degree.”

Pardee adds, “I would strongly urge the Farnsworths to begin carrying protective or sacred objects with them – either powerful religious objects that they have charged or blessed by an authorized priest or religious leader, or similarly charged quartz crystals or amulets. Failing that, they should contact a competent exorcist, and there are those who specialize in the demonic possession of objects.”

Fifteen-year-old daughter Rebecca has been so traumatized that she is seeing a therapist three times a week. “Up ’til now, my biggest problem was zits.”

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